Another part of my book... feedback please?

butterfly jasmine tattoo image

DanieLoves

Im really putting myself on the line so please be nice haha

Jasmine
Dark oak is staring me in the face. Iâm standing at the door of room 117 with my schedule in hand. This is it, all I have to do is open the door and face my last class of the day but, I canât do it. Iâm frozen in place like a bad dream. My heart is racing the clock above the door. With every single tick my heart beats twice. I close my eyes and wish that when I open them ill be looking at my best friend or old classmates.
âDonât have these at your old school?â says a deep voice from behind.
A shaped arm reaches by and opens the door. Four floor length windows line the back wall. I can barely see any of the faces but I know that theyâre all looking at me. The light reminds me of death and I certainly feel like thatâs what Iâm going into.
The boy walks passed me and turns, blocking the light with his body. Heâs tall and built, with short brown hair. His skin is dark against his white shirt and heâs wearing blue basketball shorts. I make eye contact with his brown eyes and he smiles. Instinctively, I smile too.
âSo, this is art class?â I ask âRight?â
âYeah itâs one of them,â He laughs. âCan I see your schedule?â
I hand it to him and watch as he runs his finger down the list of my classes.
âYup Room 117,â He smirks. âAnd I have science before this class too.â
âYou do?â I ask. âI donât remember seeing you.â Iâm sure I would have noticed him.
âDifferent classrooms,â He walks towards a table with my schedule and I follow âbut right next door.â
âOhâ I mutter lamely. Iâm not sure where this is going.
âI could walk you to this class after chemistry if you want?â He stops next to a table with four chairs and sits.
âOkay, if you donât mind.â
âI wouldnât have asked if I didnât want to.â He says confidently with a smile as he places my schedule across from him. I sit and hope itâs not some other kidâs seat.
His eyes dart to the side as the bell rings and I follow his gaze. A tall blonde girl glides up to him and slides her hand down the length of his arm as she claims the chair beside him.
With a perfect smile she says âHeâs only nice to the pretty ones, Jasmine.â
Her eyes are ice blue, almost grey next to her tan skin.
âThis is Steff, my friendâ he apologizes. âAnd Iâm Neil by the way.â
âHi.â I smile. Iâm not sure of what else to say since I donât need to introduce myself.
âEveryone listen up!â The teacher demands standing behind her cluttered desk. âIâm taking attendance.â
Sheâs a small woman with long brown hair pulled back into a braid and a delicate butterfly tattoo on her neck. She doesnât look any older than twenty-five. The class barely goes silent for a second before the rumble of voices picks up again. She shakes her head and smoothes the wrinkles out of her paint-splattered apron. She catches me looking at her and gives a small smile before sitting. Ms. Boreal is written on the whiteboard behind her.
âJasmine, I saw you at lunch today.â
I return my gaze to Steff. Sheâs wearing pity on her face.
âClass if I mark you absent thatâs your fault!â I hear Ms. Boreal yell from behind me.
âDo you want to sit with us at lunch?â Neil asks.
At the table behind him a group is talking and laughing. No one here has talked to me all day, besides Neil and Steff. I should feel thankful for them but instead I feel skeptical. Neil smiles a pearl white smile at me and I smile back. Iâd be stupid to say no.
âAlec?â Ms. Boreal asks. âAlec Chase?â
âYeah, Iâd like that. Thanks.â

Alec
I think im going to call it Contrast.
Its about a catholic school girl who is forced to switch schools to a public school. She never really knew who she was until she goes to this school bc she's always been told to be a certain way ex: uniforms, church, pop & country music. She meets Alec Chase who's basically the edgy tortured artist ...shaggy/messy black hair, a couple tatoos, smokes...drinks ect. Its called Contrast bc they're pretty much complete opposites. And he's a werewolf haha. He had some father issues(abuse) when he was young and since then his brother has left to join the military and his mom married a rich guy.

Answer
Its good but I'd have to read more before I decided whether I would buy it in a shop or something. What's the book called?

Excerpt of my book... feedback please?

DanieLoves

Im really putting myself on the line so please be nice haha
I think im going to call it Contrast.

Its about a catholic school girl who is forced to switch schools to a public school. She never really knew who she was until she goes to this school bc she's always been told to be a certain way ex: uniforms, church, pop & country music. She meets Alec Chase who's basically the edgy tortured artist ...shaggy/messy black hair, a couple tatoos, smokes...drinks ect. Its called Contrast bc they're pretty much complete opposites. And he's a werewolf haha. He had some father issues(abuse) when he was young and since then his brother has left to join the military and his mom married a rich guy.

Jasmine
Dark oak is staring me in the face. Iâm standing at the door of room 117 with my schedule in hand. This is it, all I have to do is open the door and face my last class of the day but, I canât do it. Iâm frozen in place like a bad dream. My heart is racing the clock above the door. With every single tick my heart beats twice. I close my eyes and wish that when I open them ill be looking at my best friend or old classmates.
âDonât have these at your old school?â says a deep voice from behind.
A shaped arm reaches by and opens the door. Four floor length windows line the back wall. I can barely see any of the faces but I know that theyâre all looking at me. The light reminds me of death and I certainly feel like thatâs what Iâm going into.
The boy walks passed me and turns, blocking the light with his body. Heâs tall and built, with short brown hair. His skin is dark against his white shirt and heâs wearing blue basketball shorts. I make eye contact with his brown eyes and he smiles. Instinctively, I smile too.
âSo, this is art class?â I ask âRight?â
âYeah itâs one of them,â He laughs. âCan I see your schedule?â
I hand it to him and watch as he runs his finger down the list of my classes.
âYup Room 117,â He smirks. âAnd I have science before this class too.â
âYou do?â I ask. âI donât remember seeing you.â Iâm sure I would have noticed him.
âDifferent classrooms,â He walks towards a table with my schedule and I follow âbut right next door.â
âOhâ I mutter lamely. Iâm not sure where this is going.
âI could walk you to this class after chemistry if you want?â He stops next to a table with four chairs and sits.
âOkay, if you donât mind.â
âI wouldnât have asked if I didnât want to.â He says confidently with a smile as he places my schedule across from him. I sit and hope itâs not some other kidâs seat.
His eyes dart to the side as the bell rings and I follow his gaze. A tall blonde girl glides up to him and slides her hand down the length of his arm as she claims the chair beside him.
With a perfect smile she says âHeâs only nice to the pretty ones, Jasmine.â
Her eyes are ice blue, almost grey next to her tan skin.
âThis is Steff, my friendâ he apologizes. âAnd Iâm Neil by the way.â
âHi.â I smile. Iâm not sure of what else to say since I donât need to introduce myself.
âEveryone listen up!â The teacher demands standing behind her cluttered desk. âIâm taking attendance.â
Sheâs a small woman with long brown hair pulled back into a braid and a delicate butterfly tattoo on her neck. She doesnât look any older than twenty-five. The class barely goes silent for a second before the rumble of voices picks up again. She shakes her head and smoothes the wrinkles out of her paint-splattered apron. She catches me looking at her and gives a small smile before sitting. Ms. Boreal is written on the whiteboard behind her.
âJasmine, I saw you at lunch today.â
I return my gaze to Steff. Sheâs wearing pity on her face.
âClass if I mark you absent thatâs your fault!â I hear Ms. Boreal yell from behind me.
âDo you want to sit with us at lunch?â Neil asks.
At the table behind him a group is talking and laughing. No one here has talked to me all day, besides Neil and Steff. I should feel thankful for them but instead I feel skeptical. Neil smiles a pearl white smile at me and I smile back. Iâd be stupid to say no.
âAlec?â Ms. Boreal asks. âAlec Chase?â
âYeah, Iâd like that. Thanks.â

Alec...

Answer
It sounds pretty cool so far!

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Title Post: Another part of my book... feedback please?
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Author: Yukie

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